Planning for Home: Aging, Advocacy, and Housing with Dignity (Part 2)
Part 2: Staying Close -- Living Near (or with) Adult Children
For many aging adults, one of the most natural solutions is moving closer to family --especially adult children. Whether that means relocating across the country or simply across town, the goal is often the same: proximity, connection, and a sense of security.
And it makes sense. Living near loved ones can reduce isolation, make doctor’s visits easier, and provide peace of mind for both generations. But it's not a one-size-fits-all answer. The success of this approach depends less on distance and more on communication, boundaries, and expectations.
Three Common Approaches
1. Same Neighborhood, Different House
Some families find that living in the same city—or even the same neighborhood—is the sweet spot. Close enough to help with groceries or emergencies, far enough for independence. This setup works well when both sides value autonomy and have strong relationships.
2. In-Law Suites or Accessory Dwelling Units (ADUs)
These separate living spaces (like garage apartments or basement units) allow older adults to live on the same property as their children while maintaining privacy. ADUs can be a smart investment, especially in areas where multi-generational living is becoming more common.
3. Shared Housing
For some families, the decision is to fully share a home -- whether temporarily or permanently. This works best when there's a clear understanding of roles, costs, household rhythms, and caregiving expectations.
But What About Advocacy?
Living near or with your children can help with day-to-day support, but proximity alone isn't advocacy.
It’s important to ask:
- Who will go with you to the doctor and ask hard questions?
- Who understands your healthcare wishes and legal documents?
- Who is prepared to make decisions on your behalf if needed?
Many adult children want to help -- but they may have demanding careers, children of their own, or live with guilt and uncertainty about how much they can do. Others may live nearby but not have the capacity, relationship, or skillset to serve as advocates.
This is why planning beyond geography matters. Consider:
- Having honest conversations about what you want and expect
- Appointing a durable power of attorney and healthcare proxy
- Exploring professional care managers or advocates to supplement family help
Blended Families and Estrangement
In blended families, where stepchildren may be involved -- or where family dynamics are strained -- living nearby can raise more questions than it answers. Who will feel responsible? Who will feel entitled to make decisions?
These complexities don’t mean you shouldn’t move closer to family. But they do mean it’s wise to:
- Put your wishes in writing
- Speak openly with everyone involved
- Avoid assumptions about who will step in, and when
Final Thought
Living near family can be a beautiful way to age with connection and support -- but only when paired with clear communication and thoughtful planning. Aging well isn’t just about being close to people. It’s about being aligned with them.
In Part 3, we’ll explore another popular option: 55+ communities and retirement neighborhoods -- what they offer, what they don’t, and who thrives there.